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Divorce reshapes not only the lives of spouses but also the world of their children. For kids, it can feel like the ground beneath them is shifting, leaving them uncertain about what life will look like tomorrow. Parents often find themselves asking the same question: “How do I explain this in a way that comforts, rather than frightens, my child?”
The truth is, there’s no single script that works for every family. Children of different ages understand the world in very different ways, and the words you choose can make all the difference in how they process the news. A preschooler might only notice that one parent won’t be at bedtime every night, while a teenager might question the stability of relationships altogether.
At Michael & Russell PLLC, we’ve seen how intentional, age-appropriate conversations can ease the uncertainty children feel during divorce. Below, we share guidance on how to talk with your children at different stages of development—so they feel loved, secure, and supported, no matter what changes are happening around them.
Below, we share age-appropriate approaches to help parents talk with their children about divorce in ways that are supportive, compassionate, and clear.
Toddlers & Preschoolers (Ages 2–5)
● Keep it simple and concrete. Young children don’t understand abstract concepts, so use straightforward language like, “Mommy and Daddy will live in different houses, but we both love you.”
● Reassure often. At this age, kids worry about separation and may fear abandonment. Let them know they will always be cared for and loved.
● Maintain routines. Consistent meal times, bedtime, and daily rituals in both houses give toddlers and preschoolers a sense of security.
Elementary School (Ages 6–12)
● Answer their questions. Children in this age group may want to know “why?” Be honest, but avoid blaming the other parent. For example, “We decided we can’t live together, but you are not the reason. We will always be your parents, and we can do that in two different houses.”
● Reassure them it’s not their fault. Many children believe they caused the divorce. Repeat often that this is an adult decision, not something they could control.
● Encourage expression. Give them space to share feelings through talking, drawing, or play.
Teenagers (Ages 13–18)
● Be honest and respectful. Teens can understand more complex reasons behind divorce, but they still need reassurance that they are loved and supported.
● Acknowledge their independence. They may feel angry, embarrassed, or worried about loyalty conflicts. Encourage open conversation and respect their need for space.
● Involve them in practical discussions. While decisions remain with the parents, teens often benefit from having a voice in schedules, living arrangements, or routines.
General Tips for All Ages
● Present a united message. If possible, both parents should share the news together in a calm, consistent way.
● Avoid conflict in front of children. Children should never feel caught in the middle or forced to choose sides. Keep arguments behind closed doors, or when the children are not present at home.
● Seek outside support. School counselors, therapists, and support groups can provide additional stability.
Final Thoughts
Every child processes divorce differently. What matters most is that your children know they are loved, cared for, and not responsible for the changes happening around them. By tailoring conversations to their age and maturity level, you can help them navigate this transition with confidence and resilience. No child needs to be a part of the adult-like conversations which consist of anger, fault-based commentary, vitriol, or an explanation of the “why” their parents are separating or divorcing.
At Michael & Russell PLLC, we are committed to helping families move forward with compassion, dignity, respect, and clarity. If you’re navigating divorce and want guidance on protecting your children’s well-being, our team is here to support you every step of the way.